what is REAL anyway?


Life is seriously twisted.

The last post I shared with all of you included some very brief information about the horrific tragedy that severely shook up my friend’s life and the life of all their loved ones. I did not know the family, however, was connected by a beautiful soul, a very dear friend of mine … of ours. She called me on Wednesday evening and her voice didn’t even sound like her own. I knew that what her voice was about to speak was really bad. I never in a million years would have thought of this … that her best friend, Heather, and her 3 children died in a house fire in the middle of the night. My jaw dropped and the only word I could speak was FUCK. Followed by a long pause, and then “I have no words.” There are literally no words and I suppose no words were needed. This is something you feel. And even as an outsider, I definitely and truly felt it. I had never in my life felt that much pain for another human being. My chest tightened. My breath stopped. Eventually, the reality of this initiated a flow of tears. And so many other feelings that were beyond this conscious world.

The bizarre part of all this is that I was at Starbucks when she called me. I was in this everyday sort of place. People around me were laughing and playing with their kids and leisurely sipping their coffees while doing work or texting. And in an instant, this “scene” that I was in made no fucking sense to me. I felt like I had left my body and was floating above observing all of these things happening around me. And I couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t feel real. Or right. How can there be such pain and suffering and such joy and peace at the same fucking time?!? And my life problems were reduced to nothing. I had no right to worry about my problems … what the fuck do they mean anyway?!

My physical body sat there on that Starbucks couch not knowing what to do or where to go. All I could think of to do at that moment was to take out my sticky notes and pens and write luv notes. Luv notes applicable to this exact moment in time – Live in the moment. Cherish every moment. Live each moment as if it’s your last. Be here now. Love yourself. – I made them while in this almost subconscious state of being. Everything seemed to slow down and looked very different to me.

Life seemed like a twisted confusing non-reality. Like this life we live every day isn’t real. It is what we all have created as our reality but this shit isn’t real. I can’t describe what “real” is though, cause I’m still livin’ in this life too…

In loving memory of Heather, Tabitha, Jason and Sean.
My love goes out to all those mourning the loss of this beautiful family.
There are no words, only a whole lot of LOVE.

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I DIP you dip we dip …

My first stab at using a dip calligraphy pen (not all that beautiful … yet). I’ve used calligraphy markers and calligraphy pens with an ink cartridge … dipping feels different. As in it feels more artistic and more flowy and more real and more like something I can’t put into words. Script-writing is a beautiful art form that is sadly being eliminated from children’s education (so I’ve heard). Please teach your children script and lettering. I hadn’t thought of it so much as a form of artistic expression until I got a calligraphy marker in my hands a little over a year ago. And something I never knew I had was released. Oh, and I don’t think I’ve even shared my mad fauxlligraphy skillz on my blog yet. Damn, what have I been waiting for?! Ok, I’ll share soon. Promise.

BETTER late than never …

Did you know this? I learned of it from my local library. The library is chock full of neat information! ;)

LOOKING FOR LOVE

A strange passion is moving in my head.
My heart has become a bird
which searches in the sky.
Every part of me goes in different directions.
Is it really so
that the one I love is everywhere?

. Rumi .

life is FOR you …

life is for me

My amazing life coach, Michelle, used to send me mantra images fairly often. Sometimes, I would make them my phone’s lock screen photo. This one, I decided to write out and keep near me. I may have wrote this mantra out when I was at Omega and not using my phone much ;)

Michelle also mentioned early on in our sessions that nothing in life is done TO you, everything is done FOR you. Life feels very different when you look at it from this perspective …