are you POSITIVE ?

I was driving home from yoga this morning and I saw this sign in the distance that read “Dance Meditation” and I perked up a bit thinking that sounds interesting. Only the sign didn’t say that at all. I drove a little closer to it and saw that it actually read “Divorce Mediation.” I chuckled at the inconsistency of these 2 very opposing things. And then said to myself, well, shit, I have quite the positive mindset :)

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately – about my positivity, that is. I am in a place now where I can appreciate and accept all that comes into my life as being part of my journey, even and especially the challenges. Now, I admit, I am still human and sometimes I feel like my hormones think for me (ya know what I’m sayin’), so my positive mindset isn’t always in control. For the most part though, it reins and it feels fucking fabulous! This is such an amazing place to be and so different then where I once was.

Test it out … find something positive in a seemingly “negative” situation (I promise you, it’s in there). The key to changing is trusting in everything that comes your way. That it is all meant for you to grow and love and live a fulfilling happy life :)

And I am living and loving proof that it works. XO

 

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my body SPEAKS …

Discomfort. Pain. Tension. Agitation. Nausea. I have learned to be intune to my body. To listen. And right now, with all of those feelings happening at once, it’s got something pretty important to say. Releasing old wounds can lead to discomfort. As can holding onto them. I’m not quite sure which it is for me right now. Or maybe a combination? What I do know is that it feels soooo incredibly uncomfortable. I’m trying to sit with it and learn from it, as much as I want to push it away and ignore it. Only thing is, my body has made it too intense to ignore. It knows me all too well at this point. And for that I am grateful. Grateful to myself for all of the work I’ve done to get to this deep place within myself. Grateful even for the pain. And I will be so so grateful for the light that’s on the other side of this pain, as I know that’s where I’m headed. I will keep working to be patient and listen and accept all that comes my way. However, I’m not opposed to this discomfort subsiding sooner than later ;)

big BLUE …

Blue. The color associated with the throat chakra. Blue. The color of my eyes. Interestingly, I had kept both of them partially closed up to all those around me – strangers, loved ones, myself – for most of my past life.

Throat chakra … communication, speaking your truth, expression. Today, I took a beautiful meditation class at M N D F L in Greenwich Village. In the middle of the meditation, I got an intense tickle in my throat and REALLY needed to cough. However, I did not feel inclined to break the stillness in the room with a cough attack. So, I held it back. And my eyes started to tear. And I was quickly reminded of being a child afraid to cough for fear of attracting attention to my “noise.” How sad, right? And coughing was no different than my words. I was afraid of being heard. Afraid of being me. And so I held it back, kept it all inside. No wonder holding in a cough results in tears. Coughing is a vocal release. It is part of my voice (not my “noise”). And I have definitely learned that holding in my words will also result in tears. It may have taken some years, but those guys flow easier these days. It’s my time to release. Time to be free of those old stories. Time to express who I am and fuck being afraid of it. I’m the only one afraid of me. Let’s be honest, everyone else thinks I’m pretty rad.

My eyes. Those big blue beauties – if I let them be, anyway. I’ve also held them back. Kept them tucked away under squinty half-opened eyelids. If people can’t see ALL of my eyes, then they can’t see me and what I’m REALLY about. Who’s that hurting? Yup, you guessed it – me again! I’ve actually noticed that my eyes are tired of being half-open … I don’t know what muscles are in my face that control my eyelids, but they’re tiiiiired of squinting for 30+ years. Now, I’m working on that face muscle memory ;) and awareness of the tightness that just doesn’t feel good anymore. The beautiful thing is that when I open my eyes wide, I can see the world. Like a whole bunch more of it. And I feel like I’m a bigger part of it. And I feel more open to welcoming in others.

Open your throat (or voice for a less gruesome visual). Let yourself be heard.
Open your eyes. Let yourself be seen.
And your heart will automatically open as well …

what is REAL anyway?


Life is seriously twisted.

The last post I shared with all of you included some very brief information about the horrific tragedy that severely shook up my friend’s life and the life of all their loved ones. I did not know the family, however, was connected by a beautiful soul, a very dear friend of mine … of ours. She called me on Wednesday evening and her voice didn’t even sound like her own. I knew that what her voice was about to speak was really bad. I never in a million years would have thought of this … that her best friend, Heather, and her 3 children died in a house fire in the middle of the night. My jaw dropped and the only word I could speak was FUCK. Followed by a long pause, and then “I have no words.” There are literally no words and I suppose no words were needed. This is something you feel. And even as an outsider, I definitely and truly felt it. I had never in my life felt that much pain for another human being. My chest tightened. My breath stopped. Eventually, the reality of this initiated a flow of tears. And so many other feelings that were beyond this conscious world.

The bizarre part of all this is that I was at Starbucks when she called me. I was in this everyday sort of place. People around me were laughing and playing with their kids and leisurely sipping their coffees while doing work or texting. And in an instant, this “scene” that I was in made no fucking sense to me. I felt like I had left my body and was floating above observing all of these things happening around me. And I couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t feel real. Or right. How can there be such pain and suffering and such joy and peace at the same fucking time?!? And my life problems were reduced to nothing. I had no right to worry about my problems … what the fuck do they mean anyway?!

My physical body sat there on that Starbucks couch not knowing what to do or where to go. All I could think of to do at that moment was to take out my sticky notes and pens and write luv notes. Luv notes applicable to this exact moment in time – Live in the moment. Cherish every moment. Live each moment as if it’s your last. Be here now. Love yourself. – I made them while in this almost subconscious state of being. Everything seemed to slow down and looked very different to me.

Life seemed like a twisted confusing non-reality. Like this life we live every day isn’t real. It is what we all have created as our reality but this shit isn’t real. I can’t describe what “real” is though, cause I’m still livin’ in this life too…

In loving memory of Heather, Tabitha, Jason and Sean.
My love goes out to all those mourning the loss of this beautiful family.
There are no words, only a whole lot of LOVE.

just say THANK YOU … 

This is how to accept compliments. Just say “thank you.” It’s that simple, and we make it waaaay more complicated (by explaining where you got the shirt someone just told you they really liked, or how much the shirt cost, or turning it back on them saying you like their shirt too…). Just say “thank you.” I was taught this only recently by my life coach. At 37 years old, I finally knew how to accept a compliment. And also learned that when you simply say thank you and embrace the compliment, you will receive more compliments. Funny how that works. So many people don’t know how to accept their partners praise, yet question why they don’t get complimented more often (I’ve soooo been that person!). It goes both ways. Just say THANK YOU. And see what shifts, in you and in those around you.

What’s that? You think my blog is awesome. Thank you.

this shit just got REAL …

You are all like, yes Dawn, we GET IT ALREADY, you’re a Health Coach. YES, I AM!!!! And look at this pretty certificate that says so. Once I received it, my friend Sara made it very clear to me that I better frame this! Probably because she knows I might not display my accomplishment as I should. I will do it this time though. I promise, Sara. This is BIG. [FYI, I haven’t done it yet though.]

Do you wanna know what a Health Coach does and what I want to do with this amazing new role in my life?!?! Yes, of course you do. As a Health Coach, I work with my clients on improving their lifestyles to live happy fulfilling amazing lives! And I do this by helping them to improve their diet bringing in healthier feel-good options to crowd out the unhealthy ones. Even more importantly, we dive deeper into what is called “Primary Food,” referring to relationships, career, spirituality and physical activity. So, yes, eating more greens will surely improve your health, and looking at your life as a whole will REALLY improve your health. This is a holistic approach. We need to feed our mind, body and soul to feel whole and to feel truly happy. So, if you’re ready to live the greatest life ever, please reach out to me! I am here to fully support you and to listen to you and to guide you along the path you were meant to be on in this world.

I would like to focus my coaching on women seeking ways to manage stress in their careers (which of course translates to every other area of life), and/or looking to transition to the career of their dreams. This is part of my story and how I came to be right here, so I am very excited to work with like-minded strong beautiful women. FYI, that’s all of you, you just may have lost touch with it for a little while. I’m here to help you un-block it! So let’s do this!!!

love + [first] light

XO dawn
www.firstlightwellness.com
firstlightwellness@gmail.com

Learn more about IIN!

 

the TRUTH is in the stillness …

The truth is in the stillness. When you can be quietly with yourself, all sorts of things will raise their tiny heads (I’m changing the expression to make it nicer). Good and not-so-good things. However, the “not-so-good” is necessary to lead you to the good, so embrace it all. I had a massage yesterday, which was one of my moments of quiet. An hour long moment with my body and mind (well, and a massage therapist). For example, I relearned that I like having my face touched, in a gentle way of course ;) and I realized that my body is so far along in its healing process that it almost feels “finished” and I realized that there are places of tension I didn’t know were there and I realized that I can relax and be still for an hour now! And other things that didn’t stick around for long but served their purpose in the moment. It’s not always easy to be silent, even for a few seconds for some people. Yet, that silence could open up so many pathways to healing. So try for just a few seconds. And then a few minutes. And then get an hour massage ;) And just notice. And listen.

i am DEFROSTING …

As some of you know, I had a frozen shoulder back in August last year. And if you are unfamiliar with a frozen shoulder, it means I literally couldn’t move my shoulder and therefore my entire arm – ya know, it was frozen. Without assistance, my arm was glued to the side of my body and I could only move it about 2″ away from my hip. So, yeah, that hurt. I moved it anyway, pushing it through the excruciating pain. Even 1/4″ felt like an accomplishment. And my mom moved it for me in wider ranges of motion. I started seeing a chiropractor a few days after the freeze and that helped immensely to get things moving around. I worked on the emotional part through reiki and through personal awareness and self-love. I started exercising again the second I felt I could, even though it still hurt at first. The area with the most discomfort has significantly improved, as in I barely feel it anymore (and if you don’t recall or know, I’ve had this discomfort for at least 8 years), even with yoga and challenging workouts. I can’t even explain how amazing that feels.

At the beginning of my work with my chiropractor, my back scan showed RED (caution! danger!) in the area around my right shoulder, equating to serious pressure on the nerves going to that area. Last week, being 6 months later (damn, time flies), the scan was GREEN (danger averted!) in that area. I could feel the change, and then to see it made it extra awesome! This is all connected to my life being on the right path right now. I am releasing all the icky stuff and bringing out a whole and healthy body, mind and spirit…fuck yes!

I am no different than any of you, so you can find your path too. If and when you are ready. I did not get here alone though. I discovered the need for outside love and support from friends, classmates, family and the universe. It is all there if you open yourself up to it…

the CENTER of our world …

As my dear friend Nicole once said on one very memorable drunken ladies night, “it’s all about the heart.”

I dreamt about this image last night: my hand swirled around and around in circles, over and over again in my dream. Around a tiny heart. Sometimes the heart was red and sometimes black. The image stuck with me until I rose this morning and I knew that I had to draw it … or paint it, as I did here. I had a manageable list of things to get done today … none of which I could accomplish until I put this image on paper. Over a year ago, I bought myself 2 bamboo brushes and sumi ink in order to paint some things just like this. I had never used those brushes until today. My subconscious told me it was time.

To me, this image screams: heart center. You’re like duh, Dawn, of course it does. Shush and keep reading. Everything about our existence as humans starts (and ends, I suppose) at our heart center. So many of us have forgotten that. Forgotten what that feels like. Forgotten how to do that. Forgotten how damn important this is to every single aspect of our being. And I’m one of them. I needed my subconscious dream state to remind me of this. And my conscious awareness reminds me often as well … as long as I remember ;) Seriously, this shit is not easy. I have spent many years closing up and “protecting” (this idea many of us have created for ourselves is BS though, as the more we protect it, the more pain we experience) my heart to the point where I couldn’t even feel it’s beat anymore. Talk about building a wall.

So, now what? I want to open my heart. I want to love the shit out of myself. We all have our own ways of doing this (and a whole lot of ways to ignore doing this). Some of my ways  of opening are yoga and meditation and creating relationships with like-minded people and becoming a Health Coach and breathing into my heart space and trying to maintain good posture to shine my heart forward into the world (aside from right now as I type slumped over on my bed) and sharing my true self to the people around me (like writing this post, in case you hadn’t picked up on that).  My life experiences have made loving me harder and harder to do. However, those are all stories created by me … and edited by me … and re-written by me … many pages of fiction about what other people thought I should be, or what society deemed appropriate at any given time, or what my SAT scores meant for my future success, or that I had to look a certain way to get dates with guys or even to find friends. None of these things really have anything to do with me – with the heart and soul that lives inside this amazing body of mine (and by amazing, I mean fascinating, not sexy, but let’s be honest people, my body is pretty sexy too). I went along with it all because I knew no better. And thank goodness I did, cause it got me here. I am an amazing person capable of loving and feeling and being every bit the soul I was brought into this world to be. I’d say it’s about time I let that shit shine!!!

This is what Health Coaching is for me. It is my place to shine, to support people in their journey to this magical place within themselves. Cause we all have it. It may just need a little, or a lot, of massaging to release it. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and of the gifts you are here to offer the world. And then remind yourself again and again. Your heart will catch on. I promise. 

And, I heart you. <3

SHINE on …

We’ve had a bunch of gloomy days here lately, and look what today brought! A beautiful sunshiny day. On days like this, I like to take myself to the woods and soak up some nature and feel the sun peering through the leaves. Today was a day of ‘shining on’ for me. I mean, honestly, what day isn’t? … however, the trick is to actually acknowledge it. Today, I went to the gym and the chiropractor to continue healing my body, then went to the woods to continue healing my soul, then went to the library to continue healing my mind. I took test #3 for school … 3/4s of the way through my program!!! Major accomplishment. And I’m acknowledging that. For those that know me well, you know I’m not so good at that acknowledging part. Without acknowledging and celebrating those accomplishments, the things we do in life are kinda pointless. So, I’m working on changing that. One accomplishment at a time … shit, I’ll be praising myself all the time then ;)

Guess what, Dawn? You’re awesome. Now accept it.

What wonderfully small or large thing have you accomplished in the past few days that you haven’t brought awareness to and praised yourself for?? Please share your awesomeness!