As my dear friend Nicole once said on one very memorable drunken ladies night, “it’s all about the heart.”
I dreamt about this image last night: my hand swirled around and around in circles, over and over again in my dream. Around a tiny heart. Sometimes the heart was red and sometimes black. The image stuck with me until I rose this morning and I knew that I had to draw it … or paint it, as I did here. I had a manageable list of things to get done today … none of which I could accomplish until I put this image on paper. Over a year ago, I bought myself 2 bamboo brushes and sumi ink in order to paint some things just like this. I had never used those brushes until today. My subconscious told me it was time.
To me, this image screams: heart center. You’re like duh, Dawn, of course it does. Shush and keep reading. Everything about our existence as humans starts (and ends, I suppose) at our heart center. So many of us have forgotten that. Forgotten what that feels like. Forgotten how to do that. Forgotten how damn important this is to every single aspect of our being. And I’m one of them. I needed my subconscious dream state to remind me of this. And my conscious awareness reminds me often as well … as long as I remember ;) Seriously, this shit is not easy. I have spent many years closing up and “protecting” (this idea many of us have created for ourselves is BS though, as the more we protect it, the more pain we experience) my heart to the point where I couldn’t even feel it’s beat anymore. Talk about building a wall.
So, now what? I want to open my heart. I want to love the shit out of myself. We all have our own ways of doing this (and a whole lot of ways to ignore doing this). Some of my ways of opening are yoga and meditation and creating relationships with like-minded people and becoming a Health Coach and breathing into my heart space and trying to maintain good posture to shine my heart forward into the world (aside from right now as I type slumped over on my bed) and sharing my true self to the people around me (like writing this post, in case you hadn’t picked up on that). My life experiences have made loving me harder and harder to do. However, those are all stories created by me … and edited by me … and re-written by me … many pages of fiction about what other people thought I should be, or what society deemed appropriate at any given time, or what my SAT scores meant for my future success, or that I had to look a certain way to get dates with guys or even to find friends. None of these things really have anything to do with me – with the heart and soul that lives inside this amazing body of mine (and by amazing, I mean fascinating, not sexy, but let’s be honest people, my body is pretty sexy too). I went along with it all because I knew no better. And thank goodness I did, cause it got me here. I am an amazing person capable of loving and feeling and being every bit the soul I was brought into this world to be. I’d say it’s about time I let that shit shine!!!
This is what Health Coaching is for me. It is my place to shine, to support people in their journey to this magical place within themselves. Cause we all have it. It may just need a little, or a lot, of massaging to release it. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and of the gifts you are here to offer the world. And then remind yourself again and again. Your heart will catch on. I promise.
And, I heart you. <3