I hike this mountain fairly often and this morning, I came upon this. There are a whole lot of hateful words on the top of this mountain so I was happy to see this (minus the fact that someone vandalized nature). And speaking of vandalizing nature, I left a LUV sticks up there today too ;) Spread some love wherever you can – through words, actions, energy, whatever feels right to you and your fabulously beating heart – the world needs it! ♥
I was driving home from yoga this morning and I saw this sign in the distance that read “Dance Meditation” and I perked up a bit thinking that sounds interesting. Only the sign didn’t say that at all. I drove a little closer to it and saw that it actually read “Divorce Mediation.” I chuckled at the inconsistency of these 2 very opposing things. And then said to myself, well, shit, I have quite the positive mindset :)
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately – about my positivity, that is. I am in a place now where I can appreciate and accept all that comes into my life as being part of my journey, even and especially the challenges. Now, I admit, I am still human and sometimes I feel like my hormones think for me (ya know what I’m sayin’), so my positive mindset isn’t always in control. For the most part though, it reins and it feels fucking fabulous! This is such an amazing place to be and so different then where I once was.
Test it out … find something positive in a seemingly “negative” situation (I promise you, it’s in there). The key to changing is trusting in everything that comes your way. That it is all meant for you to grow and love and live a fulfilling happy life :)
And I am living and loving proof that it works. XO
Discomfort. Pain. Tension. Agitation. Nausea. I have learned to be intune to my body. To listen. And right now, with all of those feelings happening at once, it’s got something pretty important to say. Releasing old wounds can lead to discomfort. As can holding onto them. I’m not quite sure which it is for me right now. Or maybe a combination? What I do know is that it feels soooo incredibly uncomfortable. I’m trying to sit with it and learn from it, as much as I want to push it away and ignore it. Only thing is, my body has made it too intense to ignore. It knows me all too well at this point. And for that I am grateful. Grateful to myself for all of the work I’ve done to get to this deep place within myself. Grateful even for the pain. And I will be so so grateful for the light that’s on the other side of this pain, as I know that’s where I’m headed. I will keep working to be patient and listen and accept all that comes my way. However, I’m not opposed to this discomfort subsiding sooner than later ;)
This kind of describes my life right now … or I should say, it describes my brain right now. So many beautiful fabulous ideas and adventures swirling around in there, yet sometimes (ok, most of the time), it feels chaotic and frazzled. This is kind of how it sounds in my head … Yay!, cool idea, love this, let’s do it, I’m so excited, oh, and then there’s this other idea, so fun, I should SO do this, Woot Woot!, 75 (slight numeric exaggeration) other ideas float in, more excitement, Woo Hoo!, Yay!, let’s do all of this, I got this! … and then … fuck no, I ain’t got this. At all. I can’t possibly do all of this. I can’t even think about all of this, let alone physically do it. So, then I get stuck. Unable to do anything, because I’ve overwhelmed myself.
I have been pretty independent for most of my adult life, so asking for help with any of these ideas is new territory for me. I’ve realized over the last couple of years that I can’t do everything on my own anymore, and more importantly, I realized that I don’t WANT to. So, I suppose that all of this is new territory … I have a newfound understanding that I CAN do what I love and be abundant and happy, I do have a creative mind and soul and I need to use it regularly, I am in this world to help others heal, I am truly capable of doing anything and everything I desire … All of these realizations is why I have so many ideas and amazing things I want to do. I’m just having to learn how to say no sometimes, and to focus my attention on one task at a time, and know when to ask for help, and to trust my intuition. I use essential oils for some of these things, and I just learned of a time management technique called the Pomodoro technique (which I’m using right now as I type this) to aid in focusing. I’ve experimented with a number of different things over the past year and a half to find what works for me. Obviously, I’m still experimenting ;)
I’m not sure if I’ve shared this with you before, but I’ve struggled with time management and paying attention since I left my corporate job in 2015. Having a consistent 9-5 schedule every day is an easy lifestyle. Boring (at least for me), but easy. Now, I can do anything any time of day and have complete control over my life and career. And I’ll be honest, that’s a fucking hard transition, hence why I’m still experimenting.
It’s funny that as I’m re-reading this blog post, it sounds less cohesive than some of my other posts and a bit frazzled, if you will. Hmmmm, maybe I should go get those oils …
The last post I shared with all of you included some very brief information about the horrific tragedy that severely shook up my friend’s life and the life of all their loved ones. I did not know the family, however, was connected by a beautiful soul, a very dear friend of mine … of ours. She called me on Wednesday evening and her voice didn’t even sound like her own. I knew that what her voice was about to speak was really bad. I never in a million years would have thought of this … that her best friend, Heather, and her 3 children died in a house fire in the middle of the night. My jaw dropped and the only word I could speak was FUCK. Followed by a long pause, and then “I have no words.” There are literally no words and I suppose no words were needed. This is something you feel. And even as an outsider, I definitely and truly felt it. I had never in my life felt that much pain for another human being. My chest tightened. My breath stopped. Eventually, the reality of this initiated a flow of tears. And so many other feelings that were beyond this conscious world.
The bizarre part of all this is that I was at Starbucks when she called me. I was in this everyday sort of place. People around me were laughing and playing with their kids and leisurely sipping their coffees while doing work or texting. And in an instant, this “scene” that I was in made no fucking sense to me. I felt like I had left my body and was floating above observing all of these things happening around me. And I couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t feel real. Or right. How can there be such pain and suffering and such joy and peace at the same fucking time?!? And my life problems were reduced to nothing. I had no right to worry about my problems … what the fuck do they mean anyway?!
My physical body sat there on that Starbucks couch not knowing what to do or where to go. All I could think of to do at that moment was to take out my sticky notes and pens and write luv notes. Luv notes applicable to this exact moment in time – Live in the moment. Cherish every moment. Live each moment as if it’s your last. Be here now. Love yourself. – I made them while in this almost subconscious state of being. Everything seemed to slow down and looked very different to me.
Life seemed like a twisted confusing non-reality. Like this life we live every day isn’t real. It is what we all have created as our reality but this shit isn’t real. I can’t describe what “real” is though, cause I’m still livin’ in this life too…
In loving memory of Heather, Tabitha, Jason and Sean.
My love goes out to all those mourning the loss of this beautiful family.
There are no words, only a whole lot of LOVE.
I am so excited to be sharing LUV sticks with all of you, as I know you’ll be just as excited to hear about it! You just HAVE to LUV it. There’s really no way not to.
luvsticks.com explains how it all works, both as the giver and the receiver of these lovely handmade 1-of-a-kind LUV notes. Also, check out IG @luvsticks and follow it. Pretty please.
If you want to be a part of this luventure – which you most likely will cause if you’re reading my blog, you must be cool – there is a form on the site to request LUV notes. For the next few weeks, I am requesting donations which I will be giving 100% of to a family that recently experienced a horrific tragedy … unexplainable via words.
So much LUV from me to you …
Oh and please share this with anyone and everyone you know ;)
Hugs and Kisses.
Huge love for these tiny feet. These Minnie Mouse-enveloped feet are my niece, Brydan’s. She is an adorable beautiful bundle of joy. She smiles allllll the time. Like seriously, All. The. Time. And she’s flippin’ hilarious. And is truly her own person. And, she thinks very highly of her aunt Dawn, which melts my heart every time I see her. I look at her, and my other niece Kailyn, with awe. They are so happy and excited about life and everything in it. And they wear it on their faces and in their hearts. I’m learning from them every day …
Kids have that amazing honesty and innocence about them. They speak the truth until someone tells them not to. However, it’s the adults who have trouble hearing those truths. Maybe if we listen more and accept what they say and learn from them, we’d be a happier healthier bunch of people in this world …
Recently, my parent’s best friend, Leslie, passed away from cancer. Shortly before she passed, my mom and I were talking about how her body may be gone, yet her spirit will always be around; how it’s harder for the living to cope with death than it is for those who know they are going to die … maybe because they know that they aren’t truly dying. I don’t know and hope not to for a long while actually. Leslie was definitely at peace with her approaching death, and she planned the most amazingly intimate, heartfelt and fun memorial service. She wanted all to celebrate life and the continuation of her spirit. And she did so by throwing herself a damn good party. Good music, a poem reading, a song sung by her daughter-in-law, reading of cards that loved ones sent her, reciting some of Leslie’s last words she specifically and consciously spoke for this moment, a fantastic slideshow of photographs (many older ones, which were so fun to see! Who doesn’t love an old photo?!), and even my parents and her cousin dancing the Lindy at the end … and this was all part of the memorial service. When she told my mom she had to dance at the memorial service, my mom thought she was kidding (and crazy)! That was no joke … Leslie wanted everyone to be joyous and celebrate, so they danced after shedding a whole lot of tears. There is always happiness behind the sadness …
You all know those little laminated cards they give out at funerals/memorials? Of course you do. When I read Leslie’s, it took me back to my conversation with my mom and to what I truly believe about our spirits. I am not an organized religion follower, however, I am a spiritual person who believes there is something higher and more powerful than our human bodies …
Do not stand at my grave
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush;
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.
Has someone in your life passed, and shortly after you see a bird at your window that you’ve never seen before? Or you come across a gift they gave you that you’d forgotten you had? These aren’t coincidences. They are signs that their spirit is with you and wants to say hi ;)
Leslie’s son, Chris, sweetly shared that his mom was an angel, and that she’s been on loan for a while. So, now her haloed spirit will be flying all over the place guiding us humans along our path … or maybe simply just to say hi …
As my dear friend Nicole once said on one very memorable drunken ladies night, “it’s all about the heart.”
I dreamt about this image last night: my hand swirled around and around in circles, over and over again in my dream. Around a tiny heart. Sometimes the heart was red and sometimes black. The image stuck with me until I rose this morning and I knew that I had to draw it … or paint it, as I did here. I had a manageable list of things to get done today … none of which I could accomplish until I put this image on paper. Over a year ago, I bought myself 2 bamboo brushes and sumi ink in order to paint some things just like this. I had never used those brushes until today. My subconscious told me it was time.
To me, this image screams: heart center. You’re like duh, Dawn, of course it does. Shush and keep reading. Everything about our existence as humans starts (and ends, I suppose) at our heart center. So many of us have forgotten that. Forgotten what that feels like. Forgotten how to do that. Forgotten how damn important this is to every single aspect of our being. And I’m one of them. I needed my subconscious dream state to remind me of this. And my conscious awareness reminds me often as well … as long as I remember ;) Seriously, this shit is not easy. I have spent many years closing up and “protecting” (this idea many of us have created for ourselves is BS though, as the more we protect it, the more pain we experience) my heart to the point where I couldn’t even feel it’s beat anymore. Talk about building a wall.
So, now what? I want to open my heart. I want to love the shit out of myself. We all have our own ways of doing this (and a whole lot of ways to ignore doing this). Some of my ways of opening are yoga and meditation and creating relationships with like-minded people and becoming a Health Coach and breathing into my heart space and trying to maintain good posture to shine my heart forward into the world (aside from right now as I type slumped over on my bed) and sharing my true self to the people around me (like writing this post, in case you hadn’t picked up on that). My life experiences have made loving me harder and harder to do. However, those are all stories created by me … and edited by me … and re-written by me … many pages of fiction about what other people thought I should be, or what society deemed appropriate at any given time, or what my SAT scores meant for my future success, or that I had to look a certain way to get dates with guys or even to find friends. None of these things really have anything to do with me – with the heart and soul that lives inside this amazing body of mine (and by amazing, I mean fascinating, not sexy, but let’s be honest people, my body is pretty sexy too). I went along with it all because I knew no better. And thank goodness I did, cause it got me here. I am an amazing person capable of loving and feeling and being every bit the soul I was brought into this world to be. I’d say it’s about time I let that shit shine!!!
This is what Health Coaching is for me. It is my place to shine, to support people in their journey to this magical place within themselves. Cause we all have it. It may just need a little, or a lot, of massaging to release it. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and of the gifts you are here to offer the world. And then remind yourself again and again. Your heart will catch on. I promise.
And, I heart you. <3