are you POSITIVE ?

I was driving home from yoga this morning and I saw this sign in the distance that read “Dance Meditation” and I perked up a bit thinking that sounds interesting. Only the sign didn’t say that at all. I drove a little closer to it and saw that it actually read “Divorce Mediation.” I chuckled at the inconsistency of these 2 very opposing things. And then said to myself, well, shit, I have quite the positive mindset :)

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately – about my positivity, that is. I am in a place now where I can appreciate and accept all that comes into my life as being part of my journey, even and especially the challenges. Now, I admit, I am still human and sometimes I feel like my hormones think for me (ya know what I’m sayin’), so my positive mindset isn’t always in control. For the most part though, it reins and it feels fucking fabulous! This is such an amazing place to be and so different then where I once was.

Test it out … find something positive in a seemingly “negative” situation (I promise you, it’s in there). The key to changing is trusting in everything that comes your way. That it is all meant for you to grow and love and live a fulfilling happy life :)

And I am living and loving proof that it works. XO

 

what is REAL anyway?


Life is seriously twisted.

The last post I shared with all of you included some very brief information about the horrific tragedy that severely shook up my friend’s life and the life of all their loved ones. I did not know the family, however, was connected by a beautiful soul, a very dear friend of mine … of ours. She called me on Wednesday evening and her voice didn’t even sound like her own. I knew that what her voice was about to speak was really bad. I never in a million years would have thought of this … that her best friend, Heather, and her 3 children died in a house fire in the middle of the night. My jaw dropped and the only word I could speak was FUCK. Followed by a long pause, and then “I have no words.” There are literally no words and I suppose no words were needed. This is something you feel. And even as an outsider, I definitely and truly felt it. I had never in my life felt that much pain for another human being. My chest tightened. My breath stopped. Eventually, the reality of this initiated a flow of tears. And so many other feelings that were beyond this conscious world.

The bizarre part of all this is that I was at Starbucks when she called me. I was in this everyday sort of place. People around me were laughing and playing with their kids and leisurely sipping their coffees while doing work or texting. And in an instant, this “scene” that I was in made no fucking sense to me. I felt like I had left my body and was floating above observing all of these things happening around me. And I couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t feel real. Or right. How can there be such pain and suffering and such joy and peace at the same fucking time?!? And my life problems were reduced to nothing. I had no right to worry about my problems … what the fuck do they mean anyway?!

My physical body sat there on that Starbucks couch not knowing what to do or where to go. All I could think of to do at that moment was to take out my sticky notes and pens and write luv notes. Luv notes applicable to this exact moment in time – Live in the moment. Cherish every moment. Live each moment as if it’s your last. Be here now. Love yourself. – I made them while in this almost subconscious state of being. Everything seemed to slow down and looked very different to me.

Life seemed like a twisted confusing non-reality. Like this life we live every day isn’t real. It is what we all have created as our reality but this shit isn’t real. I can’t describe what “real” is though, cause I’m still livin’ in this life too…

In loving memory of Heather, Tabitha, Jason and Sean.
My love goes out to all those mourning the loss of this beautiful family.
There are no words, only a whole lot of LOVE.