GREEN machine …

Green is the color of the heart chakra. Green is also the last name of my best friend. Coincidence? Hell no. [Insert a little fact about me: I don’t believe in coincidence.]

We have some mad crazy awesome synchronistic connection. The universe brought our beautiful souls together 10 or so years ago (she’d remember timing better then I). Although, the amount of time doesn’t matter anyway, as we were connected on this path long before we ever physically met at DPA Architects in Scottsdale, AZ. Oh, such fond memories …

Currently, we live on complete opposite sides of the country. We talk less now than we used to, yet our lives are more connected than ever. We seem to go through major life transitions around the same time. I left my NYC life around the same time a job in San Francisco came up for her (I left a big city, she moved to one!). The other night, we unintentionally journaled and contemplated the same topic: forgiveness. We’ve texted each other at the same exact time when we haven’t texted in days. We’ve sent each other things that are completely in line with something we are dealing with at that exact moment. This year, I sent her a birthday card with a green tea cup on it that said “Happy Birthday Best Tea” (adorable, I know). I had purchased it well in advance of her birthday, and just prior to me mailing it, she sent me a gift from her trip to Ireland: a pretty package of tea and a green tea cup. Yeah, that’s the kinda shit I’m talkin’ about.

For a while, we found this bizarre. Now, we are used to it and understand that this is our relationship. We are spiritually linked through the universe even while living thousands of miles away. It is really hard to put a relationship like this into words … if you’ve had one though, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s so magical to have this type of connection with anyone, and I’m so incredibly grateful that it’s with her :)

I’d also like to add, as it is just as important, we get each others’ sense of humor! She makes me laugh. Like for real laugh. She can send me a 2-word text that’ll crack me up. And, we can hear each other’s tone and voices through text which makes our correspondence that much funnier. We just get each other. And not too many people get us ;) Which is why we work. And why it’s easy. And amazing.

What’s also amazing is this little story: Green and I traveled last August/September together, spending 4 days in Phoenix and then made our way to California for 6 days. Every day of that vacation, we were blessed with heart-shaped “things” along our path. “Things” refer to fried eggs, rock formations, artwork, latte art, a potato pancake, graffiti, etc. All hearts. Following us along our journey together. We knew they were signs and weren’t quite sure of the meaning yet, so we embraced it, laughed about it, shared it, loved it.

Now, I can see that those hearts were a sign of opening up. For both of us. Opening our hearts to others. To each other. And, most importantly, to ourselves. We both have been on quite the adventure this past year and a half. Learning to find ourselves again and to love ourselves more deeply then ever. And I know that we were meant to be on this spiritual ride together. And giiiirlfriend, this ride ain’t over, so get strapped in and remember I’m here to support you and love you through it all. You are my human heart chakra … those are some big shoes to fill, huh?. No pressure. Just keep bein’ Green.

big BLUE …

Blue. The color associated with the throat chakra. Blue. The color of my eyes. Interestingly, I had kept both of them partially closed up to all those around me – strangers, loved ones, myself – for most of my past life.

Throat chakra … communication, speaking your truth, expression. Today, I took a beautiful meditation class at M N D F L in Greenwich Village. In the middle of the meditation, I got an intense tickle in my throat and REALLY needed to cough. However, I did not feel inclined to break the stillness in the room with a cough attack. So, I held it back. And my eyes started to tear. And I was quickly reminded of being a child afraid to cough for fear of attracting attention to my “noise.” How sad, right? And coughing was no different than my words. I was afraid of being heard. Afraid of being me. And so I held it back, kept it all inside. No wonder holding in a cough results in tears. Coughing is a vocal release. It is part of my voice (not my “noise”). And I have definitely learned that holding in my words will also result in tears. It may have taken some years, but those guys flow easier these days. It’s my time to release. Time to be free of those old stories. Time to express who I am and fuck being afraid of it. I’m the only one afraid of me. Let’s be honest, everyone else thinks I’m pretty rad.

My eyes. Those big blue beauties – if I let them be, anyway. I’ve also held them back. Kept them tucked away under squinty half-opened eyelids. If people can’t see ALL of my eyes, then they can’t see me and what I’m REALLY about. Who’s that hurting? Yup, you guessed it – me again! I’ve actually noticed that my eyes are tired of being half-open … I don’t know what muscles are in my face that control my eyelids, but they’re tiiiiired of squinting for 30+ years. Now, I’m working on that face muscle memory ;) and awareness of the tightness that just doesn’t feel good anymore. The beautiful thing is that when I open my eyes wide, I can see the world. Like a whole bunch more of it. And I feel like I’m a bigger part of it. And I feel more open to welcoming in others.

Open your throat (or voice for a less gruesome visual). Let yourself be heard.
Open your eyes. Let yourself be seen.
And your heart will automatically open as well …

make a WISH …

The difference between a flower and a weed is judgement.” -unknown

Came across this fabulous quote on Instagram recently. Nature is beautiful in every shape and form and color … ok, in every single way.

If you can see beauty in this photo, you can see beauty in you. No judgement necessary.

have you ever tried to CHANGE someone?

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein

We have all wanted someone in our lives to be someone else. To be exactly what we want them to be to better serve ourselves. That sounds lovely … if it were at all possible. No one can change if they aren’t willing to, and even more so, if they have no idea that they need to. Many people are fine in their content robotic lives where things are simple and comfortable and safe (feeling grounded is real, people). I am not one of those people (at least for the most part). Living my life in the opposite manner comes with a lot of challenges and fears and discomfort. And all of that has led to so many adventures and learnings and me starting to truly understand ME. My needs, my desires, my calling, my purpose …

Yet, I still have people in my life that I want to change. Because I think that they should. Because I know that life can be happier and more fulfilling. So, why would you just not do it? I try to help and advise, and help and advise, and help and advise some more and … you get my drift. I feel like I’m making myself insane sometimes. Like banging my head against the wall will gain the exact same results. All I can do is continue to love and nourish ME and shine my light on all those around me. And things will shift. Maybe in others, maybe not. But, shifting will surely happen in me, which will shift all of my relationships in a positive way.

There is a piece of me in every person that I want to change, as we are all reflections of each other. The things that trouble me and challenge me the most in these people are most likely the things in myself I have yet to work on, or that still need a little extra love and attention to finally be free of! Remember this the next time you get angry at or shut down around someone. We are all born as loving little baby humans. Love is our natural instinct. Once we can find that love for ourselves again, it will radiate out all over the world!!!

ox LOVE LOVE LOVE xo

 

what is REAL anyway?


Life is seriously twisted.

The last post I shared with all of you included some very brief information about the horrific tragedy that severely shook up my friend’s life and the life of all their loved ones. I did not know the family, however, was connected by a beautiful soul, a very dear friend of mine … of ours. She called me on Wednesday evening and her voice didn’t even sound like her own. I knew that what her voice was about to speak was really bad. I never in a million years would have thought of this … that her best friend, Heather, and her 3 children died in a house fire in the middle of the night. My jaw dropped and the only word I could speak was FUCK. Followed by a long pause, and then “I have no words.” There are literally no words and I suppose no words were needed. This is something you feel. And even as an outsider, I definitely and truly felt it. I had never in my life felt that much pain for another human being. My chest tightened. My breath stopped. Eventually, the reality of this initiated a flow of tears. And so many other feelings that were beyond this conscious world.

The bizarre part of all this is that I was at Starbucks when she called me. I was in this everyday sort of place. People around me were laughing and playing with their kids and leisurely sipping their coffees while doing work or texting. And in an instant, this “scene” that I was in made no fucking sense to me. I felt like I had left my body and was floating above observing all of these things happening around me. And I couldn’t make sense of it. It didn’t feel real. Or right. How can there be such pain and suffering and such joy and peace at the same fucking time?!? And my life problems were reduced to nothing. I had no right to worry about my problems … what the fuck do they mean anyway?!

My physical body sat there on that Starbucks couch not knowing what to do or where to go. All I could think of to do at that moment was to take out my sticky notes and pens and write luv notes. Luv notes applicable to this exact moment in time – Live in the moment. Cherish every moment. Live each moment as if it’s your last. Be here now. Love yourself. – I made them while in this almost subconscious state of being. Everything seemed to slow down and looked very different to me.

Life seemed like a twisted confusing non-reality. Like this life we live every day isn’t real. It is what we all have created as our reality but this shit isn’t real. I can’t describe what “real” is though, cause I’m still livin’ in this life too…

In loving memory of Heather, Tabitha, Jason and Sean.
My love goes out to all those mourning the loss of this beautiful family.
There are no words, only a whole lot of LOVE.

LUV sticks …

luvsticks envelope label

I am so excited to be sharing LUV sticks with all of you, as I know you’ll be just as excited to hear about it! You just HAVE to LUV it. There’s really no way not to.

luvsticks.com explains how it all works, both as the giver and the receiver of these lovely handmade 1-of-a-kind LUV notes. Also, check out IG @luvsticks and follow it. Pretty please.

If you want to be a part of this luventure – which you most likely will cause if you’re reading my blog, you must be cool – there is a form on the site to request LUV notes. For the next few weeks, I am requesting donations which I will be giving 100% of to a family that recently experienced a horrific tragedy … unexplainable via words.

So much LUV from me to you …

Oh and please share this with anyone and everyone you know ;)

Hugs and Kisses.

tiny feet are the CUTEST …

Huge love for these tiny feet. These Minnie Mouse-enveloped feet are my niece, Brydan’s. She is an adorable beautiful bundle of joy. She smiles allllll the time. Like seriously, All. The. Time. And she’s flippin’ hilarious. And is truly her own person. And, she thinks very highly of her aunt Dawn, which melts my heart every time I see her. I look at her, and my other niece Kailyn, with awe. They are so happy and excited about life and everything in it. And they wear it on their faces and in their hearts. I’m learning from them every day …

Kids have that amazing honesty and innocence about them. They speak the truth until someone tells them not to. However, it’s the adults who have trouble hearing those truths. Maybe if we listen more and accept what they say and learn from them, we’d be a happier healthier bunch of people in this world …

I DIP you dip we dip …

My first stab at using a dip calligraphy pen (not all that beautiful … yet). I’ve used calligraphy markers and calligraphy pens with an ink cartridge … dipping feels different. As in it feels more artistic and more flowy and more real and more like something I can’t put into words. Script-writing is a beautiful art form that is sadly being eliminated from children’s education (so I’ve heard). Please teach your children script and lettering. I hadn’t thought of it so much as a form of artistic expression until I got a calligraphy marker in my hands a little over a year ago. And something I never knew I had was released. Oh, and I don’t think I’ve even shared my mad fauxlligraphy skillz on my blog yet. Damn, what have I been waiting for?! Ok, I’ll share soon. Promise.