big BLUE …

Blue. The color associated with the throat chakra. Blue. The color of my eyes. Interestingly, I had kept both of them partially closed up to all those around me – strangers, loved ones, myself – for most of my past life.

Throat chakra … communication, speaking your truth, expression. Today, I took a beautiful meditation class at M N D F L in Greenwich Village. In the middle of the meditation, I got an intense tickle in my throat and REALLY needed to cough. However, I did not feel inclined to break the stillness in the room with a cough attack. So, I held it back. And my eyes started to tear. And I was quickly reminded of being a child afraid to cough for fear of attracting attention to my “noise.” How sad, right? And coughing was no different than my words. I was afraid of being heard. Afraid of being me. And so I held it back, kept it all inside. No wonder holding in a cough results in tears. Coughing is a vocal release. It is part of my voice (not my “noise”). And I have definitely learned that holding in my words will also result in tears. It may have taken some years, but those guys flow easier these days. It’s my time to release. Time to be free of those old stories. Time to express who I am and fuck being afraid of it. I’m the only one afraid of me. Let’s be honest, everyone else thinks I’m pretty rad.

My eyes. Those big blue beauties – if I let them be, anyway. I’ve also held them back. Kept them tucked away under squinty half-opened eyelids. If people can’t see ALL of my eyes, then they can’t see me and what I’m REALLY about. Who’s that hurting? Yup, you guessed it – me again! I’ve actually noticed that my eyes are tired of being half-open … I don’t know what muscles are in my face that control my eyelids, but they’re tiiiiired of squinting for 30+ years. Now, I’m working on that face muscle memory ;) and awareness of the tightness that just doesn’t feel good anymore. The beautiful thing is that when I open my eyes wide, I can see the world. Like a whole bunch more of it. And I feel like I’m a bigger part of it. And I feel more open to welcoming in others.

Open your throat (or voice for a less gruesome visual). Let yourself be heard.
Open your eyes. Let yourself be seen.
And your heart will automatically open as well …

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beautiful food with BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE …

This looks like a pile of food scraps. Ok, it is a pile of food scraps. And so much more. Mixed in there is a whole lotta love and energy and beauty.

I had nothing to do with this pile of beauty other than joyously eating EVERYTHING that was made from the other more edible parts of these plants. So, I suppose I played my part quite well, thank you very much.

This past Memorial Day weekend, I spent some time at my cousin’s home in Katonah, NY. They had a lovely party with delectable food and even more delectable people.

I was quickly reconnected to the joy I have for cooking and for being around deep like-minded people. Ahhh, so refreshing. First the cooking … as I mentioned, I cooked none of it. However, watching others easily and lovingly move around the kitchen reminded me of, well, me. I look forward to the day that I make that an important part of my life again. And especially to having someone to share that with.

Even more importantly, obviously, were the people I met. I haven’t talked that much in a loooong time! Ok, yes, I was drinking. And that may have contributed slightly to my seemingly excessive talking (or a lot … who knows, I was drinking). When I find myself conversing with like-minded people, I have soooooo much more to talk about and it’s soooooo much less scary to share who I am.

I was a very quiet shy gal growing up and really only until a few years ago. However, many people have told me that they never saw me as shy. Man, it is so interesting what we tell ourselves. So, at this point in my life, I seek and manifest other similarly fabulous humans that I feel comfortable being my true self with. And I can tell rather quickly when we are not on the same page (only took 39 years! … and still learning …). These 2 wonderful new humans were so easy to talk with, to share with and we had a whole lot in common. I felt like I talked waaaaaay too much, and didn’t inquire as much about them. I have a million questions I could’ve asked (and still can, thanks to technology and connections). They were incredibly interesting deep passionate amazing beings. I love being reminded that they truly do exist out there! And that I am welcoming more and more of them into my world. Woot woot! Ok, so back to my story (am I talking too much again?!) … since I didn’t speak much for a good chunk of my life, when I do, it tends to feel like I’m talking too much or overpowering the conversation. Because it feels different and uncomfortable. Interestingly though, it also feels exciting and satisfying. A bit confusing for me to process sometimes. I need to get used to it though. Talking. Speaking my truth. Sharing who I am. I am so grateful for the people that welcome that and are open to that and embrace my truth. Ahhh, so refreshing.

My gratitude also extends to Greg and Elise for a wonderful party and a relaxing Monday and for also accepting me as me.

XO to all

this GUY …

I am pretty sure I blogged about this GUY last year after I saw him live for the first time. Sean Rowe. If you didn’t listen to his music when I suggested it last year and you have a heart and a soul, you need to listen to it now. The only words I can use to describe him and his music are deep, magical and dreeeeeamy. Pretty damn good words, I’d say.

And, yes, that’s li’l ol’ me nestled into his embrace. OMG, I loved that moment. Hearts and butterflies and unicorns and all things happiness …

LUV sticks …

luvsticks envelope label

I am so excited to be sharing LUV sticks with all of you, as I know you’ll be just as excited to hear about it! You just HAVE to LUV it. There’s really no way not to.

luvsticks.com explains how it all works, both as the giver and the receiver of these lovely handmade 1-of-a-kind LUV notes. Also, check out IG @luvsticks and follow it. Pretty please.

If you want to be a part of this luventure – which you most likely will cause if you’re reading my blog, you must be cool – there is a form on the site to request LUV notes. For the next few weeks, I am requesting donations which I will be giving 100% of to a family that recently experienced a horrific tragedy … unexplainable via words.

So much LUV from me to you …

Oh and please share this with anyone and everyone you know ;)

Hugs and Kisses.

FUN and FREEeeeeeeee …

This is what being on vacation feels like. If you can’t tell, we are on a swing. On a pier. In the sunshine. In Charleston, SC. Fun and free. Once I let loose and released my stresses and life “stuff”, I could truly feel the benefits of being on vacation. Food tasted better. Everything around me was beautiful. Everything I did was exciting. People were nicer and more attractive (including me!). All my phone was used for was taking photos (oh, and for posting luv sticks photos to IG: check out http://www.luvsticks.com for some awesome details). And the weather was unbelievably perfect. Every day.

We all need a vacation and some time away from home and our “regular” lives. It can really help us to truly appreciate the world around us and to guide us toward what we desire in life. Plan something, even if for only a day away … or 20. Either way, you will be grateful.

tiny feet are the CUTEST …

Huge love for these tiny feet. These Minnie Mouse-enveloped feet are my niece, Brydan’s. She is an adorable beautiful bundle of joy. She smiles allllll the time. Like seriously, All. The. Time. And she’s flippin’ hilarious. And is truly her own person. And, she thinks very highly of her aunt Dawn, which melts my heart every time I see her. I look at her, and my other niece Kailyn, with awe. They are so happy and excited about life and everything in it. And they wear it on their faces and in their hearts. I’m learning from them every day …

Kids have that amazing honesty and innocence about them. They speak the truth until someone tells them not to. However, it’s the adults who have trouble hearing those truths. Maybe if we listen more and accept what they say and learn from them, we’d be a happier healthier bunch of people in this world …

I DIP you dip we dip …

My first stab at using a dip calligraphy pen (not all that beautiful … yet). I’ve used calligraphy markers and calligraphy pens with an ink cartridge … dipping feels different. As in it feels more artistic and more flowy and more real and more like something I can’t put into words. Script-writing is a beautiful art form that is sadly being eliminated from children’s education (so I’ve heard). Please teach your children script and lettering. I hadn’t thought of it so much as a form of artistic expression until I got a calligraphy marker in my hands a little over a year ago. And something I never knew I had was released. Oh, and I don’t think I’ve even shared my mad fauxlligraphy skillz on my blog yet. Damn, what have I been waiting for?! Ok, I’ll share soon. Promise.

connect to HAPPINESS …

I believe I mentioned in a recent post that I feel like I’m going through the motions of life right now. Doing a bunch of things I really want to be doing, but doing too many to truly enjoy any of them or do any of them well. So, I sat outside on the deck with my sketchbook and my nice pens to brainstorm on what makes me happy and this was the creative result. CONNECTION. That’s the answer at this moment. I spend so much of my time alone in my own world, my own zone, doing my own things, for me – school, blog, working out, cooking, eating – most things I do alone these days.

So what does CONNECTION mean to me? Listening. Speaking. Laughing. Loving. Being me. Community. Nature. Sharing meals. Cooking for others. Playing with my nieces. Spending time with family and friends. Connecting to my higher self. Combining my talents with other creative beings. Surrounding myself with like-minded people. Being compassionate.

Some of these things come easier to me than others. Sometimes it depends on the time of day, or time of the month, or who I’m with that makes it harder or easier. What I find most important is that I let myself truly feel the connection, however big or small it is. Acknowledge it’s presence and feel it. Otherwise, I’d still be doing all those wonderful things “alone.”

I know this isn’t easy. Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m going to make this shift exactly, but I sure as hell am going to try! Guessing I’m not the only one with a need to shift something in their life, so let’s spiritually bring our heads and hearts together to support one another during this period of shifting and evolving. Us spiritual peeps are aware that we are always shifting and evolving, but let’s try taking one step at a time … just one … go ahead, try it (I’m really talking to myself here!)  ;)

If I’m mindful of each step, I can truly enjoy each step and become really damn good at it.