big BLUE …

Blue. The color associated with the throat chakra. Blue. The color of my eyes. Interestingly, I had kept both of them partially closed up to all those around me – strangers, loved ones, myself – for most of my past life.

Throat chakra … communication, speaking your truth, expression. Today, I took a beautiful meditation class at M N D F L in Greenwich Village. In the middle of the meditation, I got an intense tickle in my throat and REALLY needed to cough. However, I did not feel inclined to break the stillness in the room with a cough attack. So, I held it back. And my eyes started to tear. And I was quickly reminded of being a child afraid to cough for fear of attracting attention to my “noise.” How sad, right? And coughing was no different than my words. I was afraid of being heard. Afraid of being me. And so I held it back, kept it all inside. No wonder holding in a cough results in tears. Coughing is a vocal release. It is part of my voice (not my “noise”). And I have definitely learned that holding in my words will also result in tears. It may have taken some years, but those guys flow easier these days. It’s my time to release. Time to be free of those old stories. Time to express who I am and fuck being afraid of it. I’m the only one afraid of me. Let’s be honest, everyone else thinks I’m pretty rad.

My eyes. Those big blue beauties – if I let them be, anyway. I’ve also held them back. Kept them tucked away under squinty half-opened eyelids. If people can’t see ALL of my eyes, then they can’t see me and what I’m REALLY about. Who’s that hurting? Yup, you guessed it – me again! I’ve actually noticed that my eyes are tired of being half-open … I don’t know what muscles are in my face that control my eyelids, but they’re tiiiiired of squinting for 30+ years. Now, I’m working on that face muscle memory ;) and awareness of the tightness that just doesn’t feel good anymore. The beautiful thing is that when I open my eyes wide, I can see the world. Like a whole bunch more of it. And I feel like I’m a bigger part of it. And I feel more open to welcoming in others.

Open your throat (or voice for a less gruesome visual). Let yourself be heard.
Open your eyes. Let yourself be seen.
And your heart will automatically open as well …

what a DAY …


I truly love my name as it signifies the start of a new day. Every day. Yeah, I’m a pretty big deal.

Every morning (lately anyway), I arise at 7am. Even though the sunshine streaming through my windows and my early-riser of a cat (Luna, my ass … that’s her name: Luna) tell me I should wake up even earlier. Then, as most of us do, I go pee. Then I return to my room and my piled-up-yoga-blanket meditation seat for a 10-15 minute meditation. RPM as they call it: Rise, Pee, Meditate. And at the end of every meditation, I give thanks for my beautiful body and the beautiful earth for supporting me in my practice. How beautiful (come on, it’s just such a great word!) to start every day giving gratitude, and especially to the new day (i.e. Dawn).

Giving thanks to me and acknowledging my body and what it does for me is also a pretty big deal. I spent many years – ok, basically my entire life – working on my body (through exercise and then many years eating healthy), yet rarely acknowledged what I was actually doing for myself. I didn’t admire my body. Or congratulate myself. Or embrace the positive feelings and energy associated with exercise and eating well. Often, I wanted more and so nothing was ever quite good enough. I would do it though, and I would do it a lot. And then, I would go on with the rest of my days. Like working out for hours didn’t mean anything. Though, deep deep down, at a subconscious level, I knew it did and I knew I needed it to feel confident in my skin. Mostly, working out and eating well was all I had to feel confident. Well shit, I should be grateful for that too then! Thanks again body for doing what you needed even though I didn’t yet understand – YOU ROCK!

Today, following RPM, I went for a hike. My body and the earth connecting at the deepest level (for me, anyway). Connected physically and spiritually and everything in between. Such gratitude for my overall health to be able to hike steep mountains (I made that possible! – remember, I’m a big deal) and to the exquisite nature that surrounds me where I live right now. Such a BEAUTIFUL combination.